I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
