You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
