I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
