just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
