Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
