I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
