Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
