You really coming over, don't trick.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
