You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
