Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
