What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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