Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
