How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
