im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
