she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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