I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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