I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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