I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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