Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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