i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize