If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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