It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
