Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
