Your face is a jimmy john
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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