Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
