he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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