i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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