I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
