this boner is exhausting
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
