ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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