I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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