STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
