i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
