I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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