quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
