There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
