I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
