He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize