I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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