I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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