barbara walters just said penis...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
