I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
