I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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