sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
