now i know why i became what i already was.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sorry about my life...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
