I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i need some magic done to my vagina
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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