wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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