brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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