garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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