eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
