you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came so hard my ears popped.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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