how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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