I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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