he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
