Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
