I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
