Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we should paint friendship bongs
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