Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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