youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
