do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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