We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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