wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize