i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
third nipple confirmed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
