What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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