you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
