I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a search helicopter?!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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