Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Actions speak louder than pants.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize