My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
