You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
