the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
