and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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