I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
