i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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