Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
