im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize