dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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