Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm getting married
To pizza
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
