I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
