I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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