you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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