I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
