He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
